the list

"STAY THIRSTY MY FRIENDS"

1. He gave his father "the talk"
2. His passport requires no photograph
3. When he drives a car off the lot, its price increases in value
4. Once a rattlesnake bit him, after 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died
5. His 5 de Mayo party starts on the 8th of March
6. He once went to the psychic, to warn her
7. He can speak Russian… in French
8. Superman has pijamas with his logo
9. The circus ran away to join him
10. Bear hugs are what he gives bears
11. He once brought a knife to a gunfight… just to even the odds
12. He has never waited 15 minutes after finishing a meal before returning to the pool
13. If he were to visit the dark side of the moon, it wouldn't be dark
14. He once won a staring contest with his own reflection
15. He can kill two stones with one bird
16. He once got pulled over for speeding, and the cop got the ticket
17. The dark is afraid of him
18. Sharks have a week dedicated to him
19. His ten gallon hat holds twenty gallons
20. He once made a weeping willow laugh
21. He lives vicariously through himself
22. His business card simply says 'I'll Call You"
23. He once taught a german shepherd how to bark in spanish
24. He bowls overhand
25. His lovemaking has been detected by a seismograph
26. The Holy Grail is looking for him
27. Roses stop to smell him
28. Bigfoot tries to get pictures of him
29. He never wears a watch because time is always on his side
30. He has taught old dogs a variety of new tricks
31. He has won the lifetime achievement award… twice
32. When he was young he once sent his parents to his room
33. He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels
34. Mosquitoes refuse to bite him purely out of respect
35. Panhandlers give him money
36. Two countries went to war to dispute HIS nationality
37. His pillow is cool on BOTH sides
38. The Nobel Academy was awarded a prize from HIM
39. Time waits on no one, but him
40. Once he ran a marathon because it was "on the way"
41. His mother has a tattoo that says "Son"
42. Presidents take his birthday off
43. He is left-handed. And right-handed
44. The police often question him, just because they find him interesting
45. Even his tree houses have fully finished basements
46. He is the life of parties that he has never attended
47. Freemasons strive to learn HIS secret handshake
48. He has inside jokes with people he’s never met.

PLEASE ADD MORE THAT I MAY HAVE MISSED IN THE COMMENTS SECTION.

I MADE THESE UP. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

• He once saw a doctor and and charged HIM for an office visit.

• Prostitutes pay for him to have sex with them. 

• The president patiently waits to be pardoned by him.